Walking my path

I've read so many impactful quotes and stories in the last several months that all relate to what path we're on in life. There's the quote that says even when we're walking on a dark path, we are still progressing - we just can't see the progress yet. And the one that mentions how some people are meant to only join us on our path for a short period of time. And then this one, which I just read, about finding the heart in the path:

“Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore, a warrior must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if he feels that he should not follow it, he must not stay with it under any conditions. His decision to keep on that path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. He must look at every path closely and deliberately. There is a question that a warrior has to ask, mandatorily: ‘Does this path have a heart?’” ~ Carlos Castaneda from The Wheel of Time

All three of these are bouncing in my head now, as I try to visualize my path - where it's coming from, what it looks and feels like today, and where it's taking me (or the possibilities of where it could lead). And they're all related - because I have come to realize that some times, the path with a heart is indeed the one where you're in the dark. It's when you're the most lost but also when you find yourself. And, if you're lucky, you have friends whose paths are paralleling yours - offering you comfort when you most need it.

My path has been quite dark the last several months. Yet there have been amazing glimmers of light - mostly because of the people who are walking beside me. And because of what I've learned about my soul in that darkness.

I've learned some of the greatest lessons in life when someone else's path has suddenly disappeared my from sight. They were there - then all of a sudden gone. Those events caused me to re-evaluate what path I was on. I needed to better understand myself, that other person, and what meaning there was in our paths having crossed - and what meaning and lessons should I take from their absence?

Our path isn't set in stone - not cleared, prepped and paved like the highway. We're laying the stones with every step we take. But, we may have a destination in mind that helps guide our steps. And at any time, we can change our path. We can look at all those other pathways we run across - the ones Castaneda says you must scrutinize - and we can decide to choose one of those if we want.

Either way, it's our path. We own it. We own the good, bad and ugly that it might run into. We own the choices that must be made along the way to either 'stay the course' or find new routes we want to take. We own the responsibility for finding a path with 'heart.' And, we own the baggage we carry with us.

It's really about our journey, isn't it? That's why people talk about a path. Because we are on a journey to become our best self - all the while giving the best of ourselves to the rest of the world.

I've never been a person who maps out that path - who has 5-year or 10-year goals. I certainly don't want to fence myself in to a single, inflexible path that can't be changed. At the same time, I see how easily my path wanders in hopes of finding the right direction.

I've had three-plus decades of just moving from path to path, trying one out, then another. Flitting about. With no destination in mind.

If, in another 30 years, I want to look back at where I've been and feel good with how I've lived and where I've been, I have some tough decisions to make. I have to decide where I want my path to lead, what kind of journey I want to have, and what kinds of people I want sharing that journey. I have to understand those things, or I'll be taken off course by the wrong people or the wrong decisions.

I'm guessing it's not easy - otherwise, we'd all have figured it out by now. Until I've decided on a direction and created the framework for my journey, I can still ask that simple question - "Does this path have a heart?"

For now, at least, that's a good guide for my journey.