That's Life

So I was babysitting my friend's three kids tonight and we played the board game "Life." Remember that one? I always joked how I chose money over kids when I played it years ago. I loved choosing the career path.

It was eye opening to play it with three kids under 8. There were all those 'forced' stops along the way - to get married, buy your first home, decide on college or career, choose family or fun. And each time, when faced with a choice - by that ominous orange space - the young boy would ask "Which one's best?"

Ah, if only there was an answer! Or at least the kind of simple answer he - or we - would prefer. There is no easy answer.

Then we came to one of the final choices - taking the 'risky' path or the path for 'family time.' I didn't hesitate - because in the board game of life, the risky path doesn't really have any negative consequences. You just win or lose - but get to pack it up and pull it out to play again some other time. This time, I actually won big taking the risky path (but of course, only by filing a lawsuit against said young boy).

I haven't taken the risky path in real life in a few years. When I have, the rewards have been big - but usually years away. Lots of heartache and tissue boxes away. Spending a summer in DC. A summer in Florida. I gave my two weeks notice at a job in Moses Lake after 2 weeks it was so bad. Left Bellevue to move to the Tri-Cities for a man. Married the man. Left the man. Sheewh!

But here I am - walking my path a bit wiser with amazing people and opportunities around me. Wonder where the other paths would have taken me?

All three kids refused to take the risky path. I don't think I was able to describe it - or its potential rewards - in a way that satisfied them. They took the less risky path. In the end, I was the one who won the game ironically.

So what lessons did I try to explain to them when we were done? I mean, that three kids will actually hear and understand? That sometimes you start out planning on one career but end up with another - and in the oldest girl's case, her final career was the one she truly desired.

That how much money you make doesn't really make a difference in the end - though by the end of the game, they were all sucked into snickering about how little money the others had. I tried ...

What else? That sometimes you don't get what you want. Or in the order you want. But, if you keep going and playing the game, you can get what you want some day. It will come in time.

Sometimes, it sucks. And that's life (well, I didn't necessarily say that!)

But what do you say when they say they didn't want to get married - guess the game of Life hasn't met the feminist yet. Or the woman who has a child of her own. Or same-sex couples who marry and may have children of their own.

Either way, there's always an orange spot on the path of life that forces you to choose - this way or the other way? And regardless of which you choose, you have no way of knowing where you'll end up.

No way of knowing which path is best.

We just don't get to pack it up and put it away for another day.

Those silly building blocks

Are you a control freak? I am in so many ways. More than I want to admit. I like to have control - know what something will be like, make it the way I want, be able to predict people's behavior. Especially when it comes to love - give me absolutes, will-love-forevers, happily-ever-afters. Whatever. Just give me certainty.

One of the most profound passages I've read in the last few months was about not having that control - and it made me laugh. In a "yep, ain't that life" way. And it really made me question just how much control I should ever expect to have.

Author Thomas Moore writes about the passion of a relationship, and how when the soul is involved, you have no choice but to follow your heart. To just go with it. To stay close to the fantasty of all it represents to you. Because you just never know.

Then he says "You can trust (those emotions) - not to arrange life the way you want it - but to arrange the elements of your soul in a way that will offer rich life in the future."

Think about that - you're not going to get what you've dreamed of, but you're going to get a soul that will make it possible to have the best life ever.

It made me laugh because I used to be there - I thought he was THE ONE. THIS IS IT. I was arranging life the way I wanted it. Into a neat, tidy package. With no thought to my soul.

I was so naive. I was so hooked on that fantasy. That package. And yet, when it burst, and after the aftermath was over, those elements of my soul - building blocks - started falling into place and creating a new structure. A newly formed soul.

Isn't that just how life is? When we think we have control, when we think "ah, this is it!" -- that's when it nails us, smacks us upside the head. And we realize the goal is not a tidy package. The goal is a well-structured soul.

I truly doubt I have much control over how well-forged my soul is. How well those elements fall into place. I might arrange them one way, then the fates might re-arrange them.

I don't see this as a problem - just a new reality. Instead of focusing so much on controlling how things are or how we want them to be, should we be asking - how do we make each of those elements stronger? So that no matter how they're arranged, it's a solid structure?

As much as I laugh at that passage, I really do like it. I laugh at it because, in spite of me and my attempts of control, it's true. Regardless of how much I worry, there are forces beyond my control. And that sometimes, when I think life has just smacked me upside the head, maybe it's for good reason.

Because I look back at where I was several months ago - when I had it so neaty arranged in my fantasy - and I see how naive I was. How little I understood. About us, him - me.

And now I can just sit back and feel those elements being re-arranged. Moved around. Creating a stronger structure. In spite of myself.