Paradox of choice

A few years ago I was talking with my friend Rich about how I had so many paths laid out before me, since I was newly divorced, yet had no clue which one I wanted to take. I hadn't figured it out when a man came into my life and became the path I chose.

Today, I find that I face the same paradox - every choice I could ever wish in front of me and that same man offering me a path, waiting for me to choose. Rich had dubbed it the paradox of choice. So many choices - which many people might envy - that you can't choose. You're paralyzed by the paradox.

It's this riddle - which should she choose? which one is 'best,' as my friend's son asked playing the board game Life.

I could move to Europe. Learn French and work for the UN. Move to DC. Move to Seattle and be close to family. Stay in the Tri-Cities. Get married. Stay single. Sometimes, when I'm really confused and stressed and just done with life, I'm tempted with the thought of selling everything and just driving - to who knows where.

So many choices. So much responsibility weighing on each one. A friend once said that because I didn't have children tethered to a father here, I could go anywhere - and therefore, I had an even greater responsibility to myself and to other women to make sure that if I stayed in the Tri-Cities, it was because it was what I truly wanted to do.

So much pressure.

This quote seems appropriate to me at this time: "Mankind's greatest gift, also its greatest curse, is that we have free choice." -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

It's so ironic, I think. It's like with all freedoms - they don't come easy and they don't come without responsibility.

I certainly don't have the answers. I'm newly paralyzed, looking at all those choices with uncertainty.

Yet doesn't it sound cool to move to Europe or DC or NYC? But I'm not sure I actually want that - being further from my family and from my friends. All that traffic. Why not just travel for work and enjoy it that way? It could make for exciting career opportunities, though. On the flip side, I also didn't grow up wanting three kids, a husband and a house in the suburbs. I wasn't sure what I wanted - except to be happy, since I wasn't having the grandest time as a kid.

So how do we know what we want? How do we know what will nourish our soul? Maybe the only way we find out is to try a path and see - and if it doesn't work, starting laying a new path in a different direction.

Some paths will lead to growth, some will lead to safety (yet shrinking). But which ones?

I should ask the people in my life - how have you made those major decisions? How have you known where the path to nourishment and growth was? When did you know it was the wrong path?

I think it also comes down to what nourishes us - children, family, adventure, new cultures, creative outlets? Because those will help determine whether a path is the right one. If we take a safe path but truly yearn for adventure, it's not the right path.

So many choices. Such a riddle.

Since I don't have answers, maybe I'll find some solace in this thought tonight, also by Kubler-Ross: "Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose, there are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from."